They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
