I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's always time for handjobs
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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