I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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