I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
