i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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