You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
