i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
