I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
