sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
