9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
