my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
