im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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