I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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