i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
