Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
