New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
