"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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