We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
