onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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