did you get engaged???
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Randomize
