im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
