I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
