this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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