My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
