Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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