Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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