I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
