i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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