I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just blew my weed a kiss
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
