wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
