i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But break dance skills will only take you so far
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
