WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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