he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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