I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
