I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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