Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
