what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
