before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
