I have demons in me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
