i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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