mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
