this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
