EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
