The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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