They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
