I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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