We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
