True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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