Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I see more hoeing in ur future
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
