Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
